Memorial Day


For us Superbowl Sunday is Memorial Day. The memorial service for my Aunt Pat was held today at Rocky Creek Village.

For me things started last night with T. J., Aunt Pat’s Cockatiel. The bird, for whatever reason (who knows what goes on in a bird brain?), took to me. It ate food from my mouth and gave me bird hugs all evening.


Today started with a trip to Albertson’s to get the necessary supplies for the reception after the memorial service. This is where Penny’s talent shines. We had no idea how many people we were buying for. We thought at first that it would be a small group. The priest then put up flyers in the village announcing the memorial service. Since this is an assisted living facility we had to guess about the numbers. Basically my contribution is to stand back and let Penny do her thing. I carry the list and try to assure we get each item on it. Penny decides on quantity and types of food. Watching her zip through the store making decisions was like watching an artist create a great painting. A dash of turkey breast, a dollop of ranch dressing, a veggie tray, a family size lasagna, etc.


We arrived at Rocky Creek, carted the stuff up to the library (which was where the reception was to be held) only to find the door locked. Father Rock at the chapel said we could use a side room in the chapel. We went back to the library to get our stuff and found that it was now open. We collectively decided that the room off the chapel would work better, thanked them for opening the library and carted everything to the chapel. Kathy put together a collage of pictures from Pat’s life and made a nice floral display with some purple (Pat’s favorite color) and white flowers.


The priest, Father Rock Travnikar, is a plump gregarious Franciscan who said mass in bare feet. Of course, there is a story behind his practice.


Rock once knew a woman who did not want to attend Mass because she hated cramming her feet into church shoes, so to get her to come, Rock said he would be barefoot, too.


Ever since then, he has celebrated Mass without shoes. He told us that the woman still checks up on him to see if he continues to go barefoot.



He chatted with us for a short time to get a feel for who Pat was and to decide what to say about her life. Before the Mass began he explained that the tradition here is to sit throughout Mass out of respect for those who could not stand in the group. Father Rock did a great job. I was impressed with how well he listened to us before the mass and incorporated it all into his comments. If you didn’t tear up during the homily you would have after the Mass. He gave Kathy a sheaf of wheat as a remembrance of Pat, explaining that wheat has to die and fall to the ground in order for it to come back in a new life. Then he gave me a blessing cup. The cup, a pewter goblet, was used for the first time in this Mass. The cup is to be used in family prayer celebrations as a remembrance of Pat. Along with the cup I was given a book, “The Blessing Cup” with 40 simple rites for using the cup. Later Father Rock pulled me aside and said he knew the author of the book quite well. It turns out he is the author. The cup was a beautiful gesture and we will cherish it and remember Aunt Pat when we see it.


After Mass we all set up the food and let the crowd feast. After most had gotten food I did a head count and there were 21 people there. Some had grabbed some food and left so we figure there were 25-30 people who ate. Penny provided sufficient food for all. There was plenty to eat and not a lot left over.


I helped out a guy named Mark who loaded up 2 dishes with food and got 2 cups of drinks and then tried to stack it all on his walker and bring it over to the pavilion, a walk of about a quarter mile. There was no way he could do that without losing everything so I picked it all up and walked with him over there. He has only been at Rocky Creek 6 months. I asked him how he liked it – he said he hasn’t adjusted to it yet. We entered the pavilion and it was full of very old people just sitting around. One woman kept yelling “I want ice cream” the whole time I was in there. I put Marks food on a table. He shook my hand and reassured me that I would see Pat again in heaven.


I returned to the Chapel to finish my food. Penny said she had talked to all but one woman and we both went over to chat with her. After some small talk Penny went to start cleaning up. The woman, it turns out she was a Sister named Clare and she and I got into a lengthy conversation. She has been at Rocky Creek for 19 years. Her brain is sharp. Her problem is physical, she had Osteomyelitis and she can’t walk well. She told me she was a chocoholic and she loved the brownies we had. When she lived in New York she once told one of her friends in Boston that she was a chocoholic and her friend thought she said alcoholic. She got calls from other friends offering help with her problem. She’s still not sure she’s cleared up that misunderstanding. She had a very positive outlook. She said when life gives you lemons make lemonade. She said she likes lemonade.


We are all back at Kathy’s now watching the Superbowl. Penny made us grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner with leftover cheese and bread. I just finished feeding T.J. some turkey. A relaxing end to a long day.